Lichtdrache

i want you to know that it took me years to figure out the worst part. cause, sure, there’s so many bad parts, there’s so many moments when dragging air through your mouth feels like letting in all the water. your body becomes your own battlefield, your mind—the most ruthless enemy. it does not cut corners. it will not spare you. it will leave no summer-tinted memory untouched. every exit sign looks like a suggestion. if you ask someone if they are happy they will say yes but they will not look you in the eyes. you will never learn how to feel permanent. you will drink grape juice and try to remember how it felt to be holy.